I am the queen of making things far more complicated than they need to be.
Having a mind that overthinks everything and chooses some topics to obsess over, I have gone through a lot of versions of the kaleidoscopic complexity I believe life to be.
And lately, I’ve been calling bullshit on that.
Disclaimer: this is about me and my personal path, my personal beliefs. If any of the things I mention that I’m discarding are things that work for you, keep working with them! We are all different.
In this year, I completed an herbal apprenticeship, as well as that I completed the beginning, intermediate, and advanced programs at the Herbal Academy. I did that in order to get more of the scientific and clinical side of herbalism. I’m glad that I did that, and I see that I fit somewhere between folk/community and clinical approaches. I shall hang out there and continue learning from the plants to see where we go from there.
I have cycled through spiritual/philosophical/occult studies. There are fascinating traditions out there, many of them complicated and rewarding its practitioners after months and years of dedicated work. That is wonderful. And after giving quite a lot of time to it, it’s also not given much (other than the perspective to be immersed in it) back to me. And I’ve had rather low energy, so I need to guard it preciously. This means my personal practice is really simple. Honoring the ancestors, animism in its most basic sense, and offering help and kindness through my actions, especially herbal consultations, offering card readings for perspective, and cooking for others. That’s it.
Health-wise, I’ve been battling some stomach issues, and based on some online support, it seems to be gastroparesis. This isn’t new…upon learning about this condition, I’m certain this is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Conventional medical care for this seems to be lacking, even with those I follow who have good health care plans and knowledgeable physicians specializing in gastroenterology. One of the folks I follow cannot seem to keep any food down, and she is quickly becoming a skin-covered skeleton. Another had a feeding tube installed in her stomach, and, while it has helped her with having a baseline of nutritional intake, she still has problems with projectile vomiting as well as saliva/bile/water vomiting. Initially, she was told that she’d have the stomach feeding tube temporarily…and now it looks like she might have it and a barfy outlook for the rest of her life.
With that and a lot of research taken from clinical studies, I’ve been working through finding some things that are helpful, and some that aren’t. It’s a trial and error thing that I need to continue working through.
Here is some of the best news, and I haven’t wanted to jinx it by being public, but I’m also pretty happy with this, so, here goes: I think I found therapy that works, that fits me, that seems to help. This is big, after having tried so many different approaches that the general public has sworn by. It’s called Subconscious Imprinting Technique. It works by finding past traumas, facing them, working through them, and letting them go. I will admit there is a bit of a “woo” factor to it, so it might not be the best fit for some, but it’s been a great fit for me. Here’s hoping for continued healing and improvement!
Otherwise: I’m still not sure of what to do with my life, and I’m not holding that over my head like an anvil until I figure it out and make life happily ever after. That’s not how it works. I’m trying to be more present and find the small joys there.
Making small, informal pieces of art is a joy, and I don’t afford myself much time doing that, mainly because it tends to take a lot of time to set it up, get into it, complete it, and clean up. But I still do what I can. Most of what I make is posted to Instagram.
Music is still touch and go. I’m recognizing that my concern about my involvement with Classical/Baroque/Historical music is pushing an already overworked Western European colonialist narrative is part of what makes me step back. And that there’s little that I honestly enjoy in the realm of music in general. So that is still a work in progress.
I will always love dance that tells a story with emotive gesture. And I feel like much of that has fallen away from current dance performances. And…I have to be careful with my own movements because the loose-jointed/hypermobile issues seem to be worsening as I age.
Rather than worrying about what kind of big artistic splash I’m going to make, or how much success I have or should have, I’m focusing on how to be kind to myself and others. How can I make life better? Take a walk in the woods? Cook a good meal for my mom and my grandmother? Learn as much as I can about the basic kind of holistic health options I can share with others, in the event that we all become uninsurable? Writing to congress and doing what I can to advocate for better policies and structures in this world? Yeah. That’s what I’m doing. And it seems like the place at which I’m supposed to be at this moment.